Jesus, Only Jesus

Jesus, Only Jesus
Lyrics
https://www.google.com/search?q=jesus+only+jesus+lyrics&rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS776US776&oq=jesus+only+j&aqs=chrome.2.69i57j0l5.9529j0j8&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
Video with lyrics
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJO969YFXLg

After literally falling to my knees during this song, this is what I wrote in my journal during church yesterday.
You stand alone, I stand amazed.
Because of MY sins Jesus cried:
My God, My God why have you forsaken me?
He spent 40 days and 40 nights alone to resist temptation to show that all temptation could be resisted.
During His most trying hour all of His friends ran from Him, abandoned Him, and disowned Him.

Even at my MOST alone. Even in my DARKEST days.

I CAN NEVER

understand what he felt.

Even at my MOST alone. Even in my DARKEST days.

He will NEVER abandon me.

He will NEVER disown me.

and I am NEVER EVER 

ALONE!

And yet, somehow it is never enough. It doesn't heal. It doesn't take the darkness, the worry, the sin away. I bowed, I cried, I prayed. I confessed my sins. I know I need to pray more. I should spend more time in the Word. I should discipline myself. Will it help? I'll never know if I never try and I never try. I wallow instead. Do I even really want to get well?

I'm so afraid of who I will be!

Icon for Hire says it so well!

Tell me who I’m supposed to be now
Make me better
I can’t stay halfway dead forever

Can you fix this, am I too far gone?
I’ve never done this before
Don’t know if I’m ready but I wanna move on
And I’ve never said that before

I don’t wanna be stuck, I don’t wanna be crazy
This is the way that my sadness made me
Better come quick, yeah better come save me

I don't know if I can be saved. I don't know if I truly want to be saved. I don't know if I'm willing to do the work. 
But yes I'm kinda stuck. Jesus, only Jesus can get me unstuck. Will I trust Him enough to let Him?