From Okay to B#tch in zero flat

Today was not bad. I actually woke up okay. 
That is always shocking.
Work was quiet, and that was expected.
My app was silent. That was not expected.
Got what I needed to get done and prepared to go home.
A friend called to ask me about a text that I honestly had forgotten I sent. 
I answered the phone, answered the questions, and then I was pissed.
Do you ever get pissed and in your head go, "What the heck?". 
That was me. It was really nothing to be upset about, but I was.
Then it hit me.
I am SO screwed. So extremely screwed.
I've always said I only have two speeds. Gungho or stopped.
I'm the same with my emotions, pretty much. I'm either good, or I'm going to kill you.
Middle ground is extremely hard to find.
I think middle ground is probably extremely necessary.
I have so many issues. So much garbage. 
It has taken me 44 years to realize just how screwed up I am.
I just don't know if I'm willing to spend the next 44 fixing it.
I don't have that much energy.