I've always liked this song and this has always been one of my favorite lines. It has never applied to my children. Maybe my family but not recently, and not the family i chose.
I'm trapped by love. I'm trapped by the choices of my past, and there is no escape because the cage is love.
To escape you have to destroy the cage. Bust it open. Break the lock.
How can you do that to the ones that you love and love you?
I read on twitter that running cold water over your body can increase blood flow and help change your mood. I pretty sure it didn't work. I'm pretty sure switching from crying hysterically to laughing hysterically wasn't what they had in mind.
If you hate music stop reading now. I had Icon for Hire playing while I was having my breakdown in the shower, and she always says it better than me.
Icon for Hire - Pulse - You Can't Kill Us
Stuff us in boxes that's where you want usBut I can't. I'm stuffed in the box, and I can't burn it. And that sucks. Today that friggin SUCKS! Because I want out. I have never wanted out, but I do know.
Cardboard is boring, we brought our matches
Stuff us in boxes that's where you want us
Cardboard is boring, look how it burns
Married at 18, pregnant at 21, divorced by 24. Fell in love with an addict and pregnant again at 30.
I can't abandon my children. Right now I want to. I want to run away screaming.
My God daughter. The child God grafted in. I could not love her more if I gave birth. She's giving me grandchild number one. I'm already grandma. Crap. I can never leave.
I think somewhere in the back of my head I figured both my children would grow up and leave this state. Then I could too. Once Granny and Papa passed. Now I can't. I have a grandchild here, so I can't.
I didn't know how much that mattered. I didn't know how much I wanted to get away.
Icon for Hire - Iodine - Scripted
I think I'm just in love with the feelingI wanted to last night. I wanted to cut. I've never understood it, but I had to let the pain out somehow. I wanted to claw my throat and lungs open. It hurt so much. It hurts so much.
Break my bones so I can feel them healing
Oh, and I'm done healing. It doesn't work. It doesn't help. It doesn't get better. I'm back where I started. The bones were broken and never set. They healed wrong. The only way to fix that is to break them again and I have nothing left to break. I can't heal. Set in stone like this is where I am.
Icon for Hire - You can't Kill Us - You Can't Kill Us
I swear to God at night when I close my eyesI can still see this little lost girl insideAnd I don't know how to help her, I don't know what to doSupposed to have this figured out but I'm so confusedFor years I cried myself to sleep every nightLived one day at a time, trying to just stay aliveAnd I knew people had it worse, but that didn't make me better
Took all I had inside just to hold myself together
She is so lost. I can't help her. I cried. I screamed. I laughed hysterically. I pushed the only person on the app away. Heck, this morning I even managed to piss off the guy that says he hates me.
He told me I wasn't nice. Nice isn't how we play. I think I hurt his feelings. We don't have feelings in our game. How do you manage to piss that person off? Cory contacted me. He helped Friday. I was kinda hoping he would contact me. He asked how I was and I told him. It's bad. Run. I would.
No response. Crap. Not what I wanted but what I expected. Still now response. I sent him a message and said keep running. It's bad. When it takes everything you have to hold yourself together there is nothing left to make polite conversation and be nice. I just don't have it.
Icon for Hire - Here We Are - You Can't Kill Us
Icon for Hire - Pieces - Scripted
So I'll stay here. Sad, broken, with Too Many Pieces to Mend (Libby Weaver) and stop trying to pick them up.
It is what it is.
He told me I wasn't nice. Nice isn't how we play. I think I hurt his feelings. We don't have feelings in our game. How do you manage to piss that person off? Cory contacted me. He helped Friday. I was kinda hoping he would contact me. He asked how I was and I told him. It's bad. Run. I would.
No response. Crap. Not what I wanted but what I expected. Still now response. I sent him a message and said keep running. It's bad. When it takes everything you have to hold yourself together there is nothing left to make polite conversation and be nice. I just don't have it.
Icon for Hire - Here We Are - You Can't Kill Us
Why are we still sadThere's just really nothing to add. She said it all.
Why are we still sad
When we gonna wake up happy
When we gonna wake up happy, happy
Why are we still sick
Tell me what I'm missing in this
Why we gotta hurt so badly
Why we gotta hurt so badly, badly
Thought by now we would all be
All grown up, finally free
Living our lives, thought we'd fly
But here we are
Bruised and battle scarred
All our beating hearts
Here we are, here we are
Come this far
Fighting for our lives
Holding on tonight
Here we are, here we are
Icon for Hire - Pieces - Scripted
You're so tired trying to rewindAnd I'm done. My mind can stay a mess. I'm not picking up the pieces because they are sharp, and just cut me up even more.
The mess you've made of your own mind
But the pieces won't pick up themselves, you know?
You can fight just like you've been taughtIt won't undo the life you've gotCause the pieces won't pick up themselves, you know
So I'll stay here. Sad, broken, with Too Many Pieces to Mend (Libby Weaver) and stop trying to pick them up.
It is what it is.
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