Enough?

What would ever be enough? 
God should be enough.
Everything Jesus has done and is doing should be enough. 
It's not and that makes me so frustrated. 
That's got to be my fault, right? How can Father, Son, and Holy Spirit not be enough?
I would love for the bleeding to stop. If I'm being honest, and this is supposed to be that one place that I can be, I spend most days borderline suicidal. My love for my kids, and my God is what grounds me and keeps me here. I haven't attempted it in years. Not even seriously considered it but it's there.
I started this thing in the middle. Let's go back to the beginning.
I was one of those rare kids that grew up in a two parent home. Both my parents' backgrounds were screwed up. My Dad's more than my Mom's but I'm beginning to believe that she screwed me up more than he did. 
Mom: Two parent home. Average family. Both parents worked. Her father was an alcoholic. From what I've heard he wasn't a mean drunk but he stayed drunk. I was six when he went into recovery and he was a recovered alcoholic for the rest of his life. I love him. He was verbally abusive to my grandmother, I just didn't realize that till much later. My mom accepted it as normal. That leads to my Dad.
Dad: Two parent home, sorta. My dad is the second or third of five children. I've never been able to keep it straight. His father was a womanizer. I've recently learned my grandparents fought and broke up often. They divorced after child number four. He married had a child and the current wife and my grandmother were pregnant at the same time. He divorced her and remarried my grandmother. I've also recently learned my father cheated the entire time he was married to my mom. 
My father is a male chauvinist, control freak who was verbally and emotionally abusive. My mother took it all and never spoke up or defended anyone. Emotions weren't allowed in my home. Any. It just wasn't acceptable.
My mother is obsessed with looks and weight. She transferred this to me. I remember being as young as ten and dieting. I have never had a good body image.
I was also first born. I was the closest my father was going to get to a son and there were just simply different expectations. I'm not sure I have met them.
Between the two I came out of that home with zero self-esteem or self-respect. I can't imagine anyone wanting me. They might need me, but not want me. 
I suffer, and have for years, from depression. Sometimes extremely deep. This had led to weigh and hygiene issues. I'm 5'7" and weigh around 250. Most people are surprised. I carry it well. I have some good genes and look significantly younger than I am. I've been told 8-12 years younger. 
I neglected my teeth. It was the easiest hygiene to ignore without impact. Till now. I'm losing them. Not much I can do about it right now. I believe I do these things to keep anyone from looking too closely. If they don't look closely they won't see. If they can't see they can't like or dislike. Then I'm safe in my black hole of loneliness. Here I'll stay. 
I guess.
Because nothing is enough. I'll never, or I can't see my way to now, believe someone is legitimately interested in me and wants me.
The bleeding will not stop. Maybe, over time this will help.